Updated: Apr 8, 2020
Have you ever just wondered what love really is? I use to get confused when I asked myself that question… what is love? What does that word “love” actually mean?
Before we all became germ-a-phobes, confined to the enclosures of our own habitats, scrolling for data of convoid 19 and watching meme’s of Cardi B “Corona Virus - shit is getting real” we were at best… getting on with what we thought was normal life.
But if you’ve lived, you've probably realized that normal life, doesn’t actually exist, it’s more like a figment of our imaginations, normal is a relative term we all use haphazardly, in truth its an imagining, a belief of something that we believe to be true for ourselves and each other.
I’ve learnt a lot of life lessons the hard way, nothing in my life has been easy, I've made more mistakes than I care to admit, but the truth as I understand it to be is that life, love, loss, seems to all tangle itself into some sort of sticky web at some point, and you get stuck on one thing at a time, trying to work out what the next move is and where you should focus, but it’s never enough, the goal post keeps moving.
In late 2016 I broke up with my ex fiancee, we were together for a number of years, I found out he was living a double life for many years, long story short, we broke up. However it wasn’t until July 2017 that I actually woke up from the hell that became my life, up until that point I really believed my world fell apart, my home I built would be sold, my business in ruin and my art career barely breathing because I lost the magic in my veins that made me want to focus on achieving something, albeit that something was more materialistic than I was willing to admit to myself.
In my mind, I had decided that the man I once loved had destroyed my purpose for being. but that was a lie, it was me believing in a narrative that was bullshit. If I look back at it now I realize that part of my life was a small part of my life story, and it was a big wake up call to identify what was important to me in my current reality and stop wallowing in my own misery.
Once I finally understood that, I did something that scared the living shit out of me. I was sitting in an Airport with my mother, looking toward the tarmac where my plane was preparing to leave. She had driven me there to drop me off and decided to wait until my flight was ready to board. That day my heart was heavy, my voice swallowed in the pit of my stomach. I was nervous, but it was the only option to revive some hope into what was left of the miserable, sour person I had become.
I checked in my luggage and sat in the boarding terminal. I knew in my gut I would not be returning home the same person, I could feel that as sure as the blood running through my veins. Leaving New Zealand meant my entire world was about to change. I looked into my Mothers eyes and tears began to swell, I was about to embark on the craziest mission I had ever done in my life, nothing would be the same again.
#THELOVEVIBRATION "A broken heart and having the strength to choose you" Marley Turnball - Uruguay
A broken heart, a bag full of clothes, and a frustrated soul is all I had with me... lugging around resentment wasn't going to do anyone any good. Travelling the world by myself seemed like the most insane option, so I thought... why don't I? I needed my "Eat Pray Love" Julia Roberts moment… the only difference, this wasn’t a movie it was my real life. Dad, in his masculine, conservative nature looked at me and said "yeah why not son! you'll definitely learn a lot about life" I was surprised, shocked even, I expected a lecture on how stupid I was being… instead it was the opposite. I had the freedom of knowing both parents supported me, and that meant everything.
Depression is no joke, especially when you don't even realize you have it. Can you even imagine what state of mind a human must be in to be at the edge of a cliff ready to jump and plummet to their own death, I was that person, no one knew, I said nothing… Shame and humiliation is enough to drive anyone to the edge. I took great risks and invested years of my life building a picture perfect life, or so I thought... now I know that was all an illusion. Perfection simply doesn't exist, and that's ok.
#THELOVEVIBRATION "The measure of what we hold important to our soul" Da Porter -South Africa
I was ready to surf the sky, travel as far as I could go, to open my eyes, I wanted to keep my eyes so far open, that every beautiful intoxicating moment would burn images, and memories that suffocated the old ones, that kept repeating like some old re-run of the Kardashians in my mind, I wanted to feel free, I wanted to smile again and dance to Beyoncé and feel the rhythm flowing from my feet, I wanted to stand on the great wall of China and yell at the top of my lungs “I’m alive!” I wanted to drink Champagne at the foot of the Eiffel Tower and bite into a crepe like in some romantic Hollywood movie. I wanted to live.
As an Artist I loved painting light shining through the mist in a forest especially New Zealand native trees... this felt like my own ray of sunlight piercing through the canopy ceiling. I found the courage to hope for another life, but nothing prepared me for the amazing adventure that was ahead.
I tried to make reasonings with myself and all I remember thinking, what are the facts, all I could come up with was that our planet rotates around the sun on a 23.5-degree axis, and it simply doesn't stop for anyone, whether we are in lock-down in our homes, our hearts, or our own minds, the earth continues to keep going even if you don't. Our fears are what prevents us from truly living and being present and centered in ourselves.
#THELOVEVIBRATION "Being kind to yourself and to others" Tracey Schmidt - Germany
Choosing our purpose in life can be the greatest and most difficult challenge, but you know what? Just do it! choose something... its ok if you change your mind, but doing nothing is not ok. This is our time, it’s as much mine as it is yours and it’s what we do with it that matters.
Right now Scientist from all around the world are looking for a Corona Virus cure while, we stay home "Our humanity is in a crisis and its not something you can like on facebook" - Bill Gates. We've blurred the lines of facts and fiction... Our world has been obsessive about wealth, consumerism, celebrity, and its come at a huge cost. Its killing our planet. Walking around blind is simply not good enough. We must wake up.
My hunger to see myself for the first time without the box that people organised me into, Te Mete the artist, the gay guy, the Maori guy, the smart guy etc... its all just noise! and we care way too much about that stuff, as if it defines us! it doesn't. We are all capable and better than any preconceived idea that anyone can label us, good or bad... but its our choice what we do with it that matters.
True power is fueling Love into our humanity that flows effortlessly and sometimes forcibly, its that love that transcends our legacy long after we pass on, and we all need to be conscious and aware of what that means. I've seen people across the globe totally blind to themselves and there actions. People sleep walking, ignorant and some who made me feel so angry that I wanted to punch them in the face because of how corrupt , blind and stupid they were.
#THELOVEVIBRATION "Not holding grudges and learning to be wise with whom you allow into your circle of trust" Amayah - Dominican Republic
Love is the only universal language that can bring hope, possibility, into our world where there are too many languages for us to comprehend and understand individually... its a feeling and the most powerful tool that can be used to raise consciousness and command action to love more and love our planet is actually the best any of us can do, and it costs nothing. Our earth is the only reason we are here, so its the least we can do. But real love requires action... otherwise its just noise.
Love is betting every deposit of energy, wisdom, friendship, courage, family, internal dialogue, intellect, education, experience and action… that is the only bankable currency we need in life, so we need to fill that bank up until it starts bursting from the seams and you have enough wealth to fill the banks of others. Together we can make a difference.
I hugged my mother goodbye, she seen the tears trickle down my face, her hands soft and gentle with this magic Māori glow about them, her velvet brown skin. She wiped the tears off my face, and said in her confident yet calm voice “son just be safe... the next chapter in your life will be even better... no more tears... I love you”
The first step into an unknown journey began, I was free. I boarded my plane, sat on my seat and buckled my seat-belt. I had two main questions I wanted to ask the entire world “What is Love?” and “What does it mean?”
#THELOVEVIBRATION "Love can only exist where fear doesn’t” Eduardo - Brazil
Fasten your seat belts because now we have lift off into the wonderful world of #THELOVEVIBRATION
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